[IC] Trouble on Two Wheels – Biker Gang Invades Jade Island

Eva Rossi, Jade Island Gazette

It’s said that every storm has an eye, a calm in the chaos. But what do you call it when the storm rides in on two wheels, clad in leather and arrogance? That’s precisely the unwelcome spectacle Jade Island is now faced with, as the Hell Hounds biker gang—led by none other than Dion Caruso—has rolled into town like an oil slick on our pristine shorelines.

For those blissfully unaware, Hell Hounds are no stranger to wreaking havoc wherever they go. Simply middle-aged men with chips on their shoulder and an entourage of questionable characters who appear to believe that roaring engines and surly attitudes count as charm. Spoiler alert: they don’t. The Hell Hound gang brings with them a reputation darker than the oil stains their bikes will inevitably leave on our streets. Allegations of illegal activities trail them like the noxious exhaust fumes of their bikes—drug trafficking, extortion, and other unsavory deeds that make a mockery of the phrase "law-abiding citizen." While their official reason for being here remains unclear (a charity run? Doubtful.), one thing is certain: their presence is as welcome as a rainstorm at a beach wedding.

As someone with an unfortunate history with the gang's illustrious vice president—yes, I admit it, I once made the grievous mistake of marrying the man—let me assure you that Conall Blackheart’s charm is as fleeting as his promises. Like his gang, he thrives on a foundation of bravado and intimidation, convincing people to follow him through fear or manipulation rather than merit.

But let’s talk about the larger issue: what does their arrival mean for Jade Island? For years, our community has prided itself on its warmth, safety, and the kind of neighborly values that make us stand out. The Hell Hounds threaten to upend that, turning our tranquil streets into a stage for their own theatrics. Already, residents have reported feeling uneasy, their quiet lives disrupted by the rumble of engines and the invasive stares of these self-proclaimed “brothers.”

While some might argue for “understanding” or “giving them a chance,” let’s not forget the old adage: a leopard doesn’t change its spots. Or, in this case, a wolf in leather doesn’t suddenly become a sheep. The Hell Hounds have earned their reputation, and it’s naïve to think their arrival will bring anything but trouble. As a journalist—and as someone who has firsthand experience with the collateral damage they leave behind—I urge our community to remain vigilant. Let’s not be lulled into complacency by their feigned friendliness or their so-called “community engagement.” It’s a facade, as thin and brittle as the leather jackets they wear. Jade Island deserves better than to be the backdrop for the Hell Hounds gang’s latest chapter of chaos. And to Conall Blackheart, in case this column finds its way to your hands: You didn’t break me before, and you won’t break this town.